I've always been a creative person. I can solve problems, come up with original ideas, make just about anything, plan stuff, and lots of other things. I've tried just about every craft out there and frankly, enjoyed them all. I often turn back to old friends like quilting and sewing as a foil to knitting and photography. So why am I a bit stuck right now?
One of my students, in describing herself, expressed an aspect of my own personality so succinctly and perfectly that it caused me to catch my breath. So here it is:
I am more curious than ambitious.
Why is that significant you ask? WHY???
Because curiosity is what gets a person to try something. Ambition is what gets them to finish it. Curiosity is the path to vision. Ambition is the path to productivity. I have vision. I love to start things. After that, there is nothing pulling me strongly to make what I like to do into a product. There is nothing urging me to get the word out to the whole world and get published and make money. I'm really happy helping one person at a time learn something that to the world seems small. I'm okay living in my small corner of the world.
But the question nags at me:
Should I desire MORE???
Should I WANT to be a businesswoman and have a real, professional website from which folks can buy my patterns? Should I WANT to work full-time at all this creative stuff and publish books? Or have 10 photo shoots a month and be a "real" photographer?
Is it OKAY to just enjoy the process?
I submit as my answer, Yes. Why in small type instead of screaming it out in big, bold letters? Because I think that is the answer but I worry that it's not. I worry that I'm somehow living below my abilities or being selfish or something. I want yes to be the answer though. I want to not feel stuck because I'm satisfied with my life. I want to free myself from comparisons to other women who have made their creative skills into businesses or parlayed it into a kind of niche-y fame.
Here is one bit of advice from someone that I admire as an artist that gives me some confidence that my path is correct. For. Me. Alone. I read this often to remind myself that art is not for the people, in the end it is for the artist. I like thinking of all this stuff I do in that way. It frees me from the perfectionism that plagues me and in the end, I think it is what will free me to learn to trust the process and let it lead me to be successful in whatever way I eventually want to be.
1 comment:
Hello dear Kellie! Wow, I miss you.
I have these same conversations in my head, and have my whole creative life. I think has a lot to do with the ways in which we DEFINE ourselves, and the ways we feel others perceive/define us. The ways in which we add meaning, and meaning, and more meaning to what simply IS. I do best when I put the first at the front of my consciousness-- How do I define myself? For me,it sort of cuts straight through all of the junk. My latest epiphany is this-- Some things just have to be for JOY. I don't have to teach it, or sell it, or make it public just because I can. Or because I, or others, feel I should. Not in a selfish or withholding sort of way-- just for JOY. No added meaning.
I love this one most of all from your link--
** Never compare your journey with someone else's. It's a marathon with no finish line. Someone else may start out faster than you, may seem to progress more quickly than you, but every runner has his own pace. Your journey is your journey, not a competition. You will never "arrive". No one ever does.**
Please lets get together soon!
Post a Comment